


So Camp

by AnonEhouse



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-23
Updated: 2012-04-23
Packaged: 2017-11-04 04:04:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/389551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sparks fly between Tony and Thor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Camp

**Author's Note:**

> Chinese translations:
> 
> [on AO3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10515540)  
> [ on Lofter](http://dizzyg.lofter.com/post/1e1c77a5_ef75d92)  
> and on [A slash forum ](http://www.mtslash.org/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=226989&page=1&extra=#pid4262025)

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

"You're kidding, aren't you?" Tony looked down at the roll of green camouflaged canvas that Captain America, AKA Steve Rogers, AKA Fearless Leader, AKA Man in Charge of Herding Avenger Cats, had just tossed into his arms.

"No." Steve made the 'Captain America is determined' face, which was one step away from the 'Captain America is disappointed in you' face, which always made Tony see his father frowning over Steve's shoulder, and that was just too much to contemplate this early in the morning. 

Tony poked at the bundle tentatively. It didn't explode or extrude parts or even beep. "What is this, exactly?"

"Half of a tent." Steve turned his back on Tony to grab another piece of camou-whatever and toss it to Clint.

"What good is half a tent? Actually, what good is a whole tent? It's just a handy device for telling bears where to find the yummy chewy center." Tony poked at his half-tent again, and it still did nothing. "Give me half an hour in the workshop and I'll make you a whole tent. Bear-proof, even."

"We're leaving in fifteen minutes. We are going on an overnight hike, as we discussed last week."

"I don't remember any such discussion!"

Steve folded his arms across his chest. "That's because you haven't attended any of the last six meetings. If you want a vote, you have to show up for the election."

"I don't believe in democracy! I'm a devout anarchist!"

Steve sighed. "Yeah. I know."

Oh, the disappointed face. "Fine, fine. But why half a tent?"

"Because we're going to split up into pairs, and each of us will combine resources with our partner for the night."

"Does that sound as kinky to anyone else as it does to me? Not that I have anything against kinky, but really, in the woods? That's...itchy."

Thor picked up a bundle twice the size of the one Tony had. "I will be your partner." Thor clapped Tony on the back, not quite hard enough to stagger him. "I will protect you from the bears."

Tony sighed. "Can I bring the Iron Man suit?" Everyone looked at him. "I'll take that as a 'no'. A thermos of coffee?"

***

"We'll meet back here in this clearing tomorrow morning," Steve said cheerfully, standing in the woods looking clean-cut and heroic and as if he really should be doing an ad for fire safety with Smokey Bear. Tony hadn't had time to tidy his goatee or even get his hair looking right and he strongly suspected he'd put on boots that hadn't originally formed a pair. He already felt like a hermit. Tony watched mournfully as Steve and Natasha went off to conquer the wilderness, and Clint and Bruce went off to... who knows, but between arrows and the Hulk, they were pretty much bear-worry free.

"It is an excellent day!" Thor threw back his shoulders and began striding up a slope where there wasn't a path. Of course. 

Tony settled his half-a-tent over his shoulder and hurried to follow. "Where are you going?"

"I seek the heights!" 

"Do we have to seek them this way? Ugh!" Tony had stepped in something that...well, it was disgusting. "I'm used to flying, not crawling!"

Thor stopped and turned back to grin at Tony. "Ah! Our good Captain placed no restriction on my use of Mjolnir."

Tony looked at the hammer, and then back at Thor. He grinned. "Let's go for it."

***

"Yeooow!" Tony shouted enthusiastically as Thor's hammer helicoptered them up over the masses of pines and less spiky-looking foliage. Thor's arm was warm around his waist. Thor smelled rather pleasantly of metal and ozone. Thor bellowed laughter and, all in all, Tony had done many things that had been far less fun.

They landed on a reasonably level slope of bare rock. Tony looked around. He could see for miles. He spread out his arms. "Look, ma, I'm king of the world!"

"You remind me of my brother."

Tony dropped his arms to his sides and looked at Thor. "Sorry?"

"No, no, that's a good thing." Thor picked Tony up in a hug, which, ok, fine, any bears around, Thor could _wrestle_ them. "We were once close, Loki and I." Thor set Tony on his feet and kissed him.

On the mouth.

With tongue.

After a few minutes, Tony pulled back to ask, "Is this a, like a friendly handshake, or you know, brotherly bonding ritual that goes on in Asgard? Because I could totally get behind that."

Thor tilted his head and looked slightly puzzled. "I have been advised that you are well-versed in the sexual arts. As is Loki. Do you require ceremonial rites before enjoying sex?"

"Well, no, not as such. Dinner is nice, though."

"I shall return!" Thor whirled his hammer and took off. 

Tony blinked. "I think ... " He looked around at the rocks and the not-a-path and scrubby trees on the down slope. "I'll be here!" He plopped his half a tent down on a flattish bit of rock and sat on it. "Huh."

***

Tony didn't know what game laws Thor might have broken, but boar roasted over a magical fire fed by lightning was delicious, and he wasn't going to worry about it. He leaned against Thor's warmth as the sun was slanting down and it was getting chilly, probably faster at this altitude than down at the base of the mountain. "You are chilled," Thor said, rubbing one large hand briskly over Tony's back before giving him a final pat. "We should arrange our shelter for the evening."

"Good idea." Tony got up and looked at the lump of canvas he'd been sitting on. He prodded it with his boot. "Do you have any idea how this is supposed to work?"

"It was explained at our last meeting. There was coffee. And Pop-tarts."

"Oh, I didn't realize what I was missing." Tony began untying, unzipping and otherwise undoing his parcel. It included three poles and four stakes, but no instructions. At the center he found a filled canteen of water, and a chili with beans MRE. He extracted the heater and put the rest of the pouch to one side. "Don't touch that. I don't think it's covered under the Geneva Convention."

"I do not recall that Convention. Is it on a future schedule?" Thor had produced a heavy-bladed knife and was scraping the boar's hide clean.

"No, not exactly." Tony considered the MRE heater. "Iron, magnesium and sodium. Low concentration, but might make a hand warmer or something else warmer. Depending on how cold it gets." Tony turned his attention back to the canvas and laid it out flat. "This, on the other hand... I have no idea."

Thor left the boar hide and picked up the canvas. "It is not difficult." He twirled Mjolnir to blow an area clear of debris, buttoned the two half tents together on the top, and assembled the whole thing in less than a minute with the help of his hammer.

"You're a handy fellow to have around. Can I touch your hammer?"

"If you are worthy, you may make it come to your hand." 

"Puns! Thor, you've been listening to Clint again. I warned you about that."

Thor laughed at him. "You may touch Mjolnir. In return, may I touch the captive lightning in your chest?"

Tony hesitated. "Carefully. Yes. All right. I didn't bring a spare with me."

Thor tossed the boar hide into the tent. "I will be very careful with your heart, Tony. Come inside, and we will warm each other."

***

Tony looked at Thor, who was lying on his back, naked, taking up about two-thirds of the tent. "Hmm... let me see. The logistics may require some adaptation of my usual technique." Tony peeled out of his clothes and crawled in on top of Thor. "Are you always this warm?" 

Thor ran his hand down Tony's back. "Are you always this cool?"

"I was born cool, honey." Tony kissed Thor's throat. He could move up higher so their mouths could meet, but he quite liked where their other parts were meeting.

Thor put both hands on Tony's ass and helped him move. "I like you being cool. It's good." 

"It's all good." Tony moved a little faster. "You aren't going to come in a shower of gold, or turn into a swan or anything, are you?"

Thor laughed and pushed his hips up against Tony's. "I don't think so. Do you always talk when you're having sex?"

"No." Tony moaned and moved faster. Thor was very warm, and the ozone scent was stronger. Tony could feel his hair lifting, hear the crackling of static electricity. 

Thor slid a hand between them to press against the arc reactor. Tony gasped. He couldn't feel that, there was no skin there, but he did. "Do that! Yes!" 

Thor reached out with his other hand, and grasped Mjolnir. "Touch it. Touch it, Tony."

Tony put his hand on the hammer and felt ... it was... "AHH! YES!" Circuit completed, he thought as his whole body filled with lightning, jerking and coming and he could _feel_ Thor's hand on his chest and the light, so bright, blue-white bright shining through his skin, outlining bones and blood vessels. 

Thor bellowed something that sounded more like thunder than any human noise, and clutched Tony tightly against him before falling back with a satisfied sigh.

Tony turned his head to lay more comfortably against Thor's chest.

***

"Well," Steve said as he entered the clearing with Natasha. "That was quite a thunderstorm last night, but I see you mana... um..." He looked at the other Avengers. Clint and Bruce were sitting on a log staring at Tony. Thor was... humming one of Tony's favorite heavy metal songs and twirling his hammer idly while also looking at Tony who was perched on a rock, bare-chested and with his face turned up to the sun.

"Tony, what happened?"

"I got bored with the old look," Tony said, running his fingers through his now riotously curly hair.

"I don't mean your _hair!_ "

"Oh, that." Tony looked down at his chest. The arc reactor was now glowing in rippling rainbow hues. "Thor and I invented a new element last night. Since Thorium already exists, we're thinking to call this one 'Tonium'." Tony grinned.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] So Camp](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3072479) by [RsCreighton](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RsCreighton/pseuds/RsCreighton)




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